“I couldn’t get anyone to understand.”
Troian Bellisario wrote, directed, and stars in “Feed” premiering on July 18th. The movie tells the story of Olivia, a young woman who has a hard time dealing with the death of her twin brother. In a recent feature for Interview Magazine, she opened up about how her real life eating disorder influenced the message of the film.
Troian has always been very open with her fans about having dealt with an eating disorder, but most recently she talked about the struggle of finding someone to understand what she was going through. “I couldn’t get anyone – even the people who loved me most, even my boyfriend or my mother or my father- to understand what that experience was like for me,” she says.
Troian goes on to explain that for her, the eating disorder wasn’t about her weight at all, but about having complete control. “I found there were so many people who thought that it was about losing weight or being skinny, and I couldn’t quite get them to understand that it was about control on a very, very literal level,” she explains.
“My neutral pathways were all still there and connected to the disease, so when I had to engage with the film, it was like poking a sleeping dragon,” she says. But Troian didn’t let the disease control her. She’s able to express herself and channel her feelings into Feed. “But it’s amazing that you can have this huge, life-threatening thing be a part of you and still live inside of you, and almost tame it in a weird way.”