Our guest columnist Alyssa breaks it down because you WILL get through it.
We love giving you guys advice from real girls, like Alyssa John. She lives in Australia, loves to write, and is just like you in a lot of ways. Alyssa wanted to write a guest column for YSBnow readers inspired by a common, real-life situation: rejection. It can happen in all aspects of life whether it’s being rejected by a crush, a group of friends excluding you, or not being picked for a team or job. It sucks every time it happens, but here’s the silver lining: what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. Here’s Alyssa’s advice on dealing with rejection and we’re bookmarking it for anytime we (or a friend) needs to hear this:
To start with, I have to say, I am still not fully sure how to deal with rejection. I am simply going to talk about some steps that make it easier to cope with when it feels like your whole world is crumbling beneath your feet.
One thing to note before we go into any of this; rejection is probably one of the most natural and constant aspects of ALL our lives. It’s not just something that you’re a victim of, even though it probably feels like it when you’ve been rejected from something or by someone.
Firstly, when it comes to being rejected in a romantic setting, DO NOT PANIC! I know that as soon as you hear a boy or girl say “No, sorry, I am not interested in you,” your body goes into shut down mode. Your eyes start welling up, your stomach feels sick, you can’t listen to anything else they’re saying. This is a universal feeling and it is okay to feel this way, initially. I think that is the part we need to keep reminding ourselves of- that everyone goes through the same thing.
Here’s how I deal with rejection in my dating life:
1. Remind yourself that this has probably happened at least once to someone you know, even a celeb or someone you look up to.
2. Talk about it to a friend, not excessively, as that may make it worse. Just discuss it, in a way so you can understand how to grieve and move on without putting too much pressure on yourself.
3. Lastly, thank your crush/boyfriend/girlfriend/love interest etc. for being honest with you.
4. Keep pursuing what you love in order to distract yourself and find a passion at the same time. Who doesn’t love killing two birds with one stone?
Another area we all have to face rejection in is when it comes to jobs, programs, or any application process. Now, this, too, is a part of our life cycle. To even feel empathy for one another, we have to understand what it’s like to be rejected from something we were dying to do. Whether it’s for a role in a school play, or your dream job that you’ve wanted since you were 5, rejection is always going to hit hard when it comes to applying or trying out for something and essentially being told you’re not good enough. A strike to your ego, believe it or not, can be good for you and this is how it can help you:
Here’s how I deal with being rejected from an activity, program, etc:
1. Ask for feedback as to why you were rejected. This is a way to deal and understand the processes of your rejection, as well as improve on those points of feedback and come back better than ever next time you apply for something.
2. Use that rejection to encourage you to keep going. Do as many auditions, try outs, etc. in order to improve your skills for the future. There is no harm in using these opportunities as practice.
3. Remind yourself that you were most likely not the ONLY person being rejected that day.
Those are my steps and steps that I encourage others to do when faced with a really horrible sense of rejection. It is probably one of my least favorite feelings in the world and something I try and avoid at all costs. However, it teaches us how to be comfortable outside of our comfort zone and try new things without consistently being so paranoid about the outcome.
Did you think Alyssa’s advice was helpful? Let us know on Twitter @YSBnow!